Children are worthless scum...or Why I Hate Kids.

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Children are worthless scum...or Why I Hate Kids.

Postby texasrockabillyrebel » Fri May 26, 2006 8:11 am

My brother brought his new girlfriend over to my place a couple of nights ago for our introduction. I was thinking, "Great! The old boy finally managed to find someone who will put up with him since that bitch of a wife left him! I'll never have to help him out of a drunken stupor again!(I to make these worse anyway) YYYYEEESSSS!!!!!!"

But then her two adopted children entered my apartment. I don't know what's wrong with parents these days. The kids were rampant! Fu#$%ing wild! Jumping on anything that would provide a bounce, wreaking unholy havoc in my kitchen and bathroom. The youngest (about 6 or so) crapped his pants. I was thinking, "wow, that kid has a real problem with authority. Here he is over half a decade old and he still refuses to use a toilet!" He was in my bathroom when it happened!

Crap talk aside, the elder child said,"I want to hear uncle Travis play guitar." I was really taken aback that this little guttersnipe devilspawn was calling me uncle. But I am vain and I aquiesqued, any kind of audience is cool with me. I brought out my new DG-300. Played a few songs from Unaccompanied Django ( to mixed reviews, I believe the words "that guitar looks stupid" were said), and set the guitar aside. Then the younger hellion, whom I have now dubbed "Puddin' Pants" proceeded to do the most amazing dropkick right into the bridge of my guitar, SPLITING IT IN HALF. The bridge that Josh at Djangobooks worked so hard to get right. A thing of beauty, destroyed by a pre-adolescent crack fiend. And that bitch of a new girlfriend didn't even offer to pay for repairs.


Post Script to God (if he/she/it should read this): STOP IT YOU BASTARD!!!!
If you don't swallow it's going in your eye.
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Postby maca » Fri May 26, 2006 6:13 pm

Our thoughts are with you at this trying time. :cry:
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Postby Swing This! » Fri May 26, 2006 7:58 pm

Lucky it wasn't an original Selmer! :wink: also...don't you guys have the right to bear arms in the US...or are you not allowed to use arms against kids! :lol:
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Postby Josh Hegg » Mon Jun 05, 2006 7:07 pm

texasrockabillyrebel,

Do you need another bridge? I know where to get one.

Cheers,
Josh
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Postby texasrockabillyrebel » Sun Jun 18, 2006 4:47 am

If it had been an original Selmer, it would have been in the news. The headlines would've read "Gypsy guitarist murders four then spontainously combusts". Yeah, we have the right to bear arms but in addition to playing guitar I'm also a pre-roxburry rules boxer. In the common lingo of today a bareknuckle boxer (the art of which lies in knocking the hell out of someone while not injuring your hands). If I had bore MY arms against these heathens, I would probably be making a close friendship with a large inmate about now.

I'm really lucky the guitar itself wasn't injured.

I hate kids.
If you don't swallow it's going in your eye.
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Joined: Sat May 08, 2004 11:31 pm
Location: Denton, Texas


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